In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
