whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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