So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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