thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
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My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
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I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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