so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
