New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
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You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
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Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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