i think i have two assholes
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
