dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
they're like a gay fantastic four
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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