Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
