some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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