I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
