Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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