who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
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