Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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