apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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