Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
