Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
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bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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