lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
