Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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