youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
