I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
