Where did you get a picture of my penis
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
