TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
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