this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
