Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
