i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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