adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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