I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug