Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
