Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
