My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
