That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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