next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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