No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
