okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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