Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
