never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
