i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
