A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize