I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
