I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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