nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I am mentally ready for anal.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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