"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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