yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
whose ass print is on the piano?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Randomize
