The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
