So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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