I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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