Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
