There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
