His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
