After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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