Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
