Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
