I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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