last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
