I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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