i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize