Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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