well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We need to get me chipped asap
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
