Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
