Ambien. No doubt about it.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
