Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
