he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize