I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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