he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize