I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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