saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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