I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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