yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
