I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
