Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
