i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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