Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
